Hello and welcome to yet another edition of Overheard On The Indian Internet. Let’s jump right in. An eight-year-old girl recently became the central figure in a story so horrific that our minds have blocked out the details so as to prevent us from collapsing in despair.
So naturally, the best and brightest minds in the country stepped in to offer arguments as to why our anger is misplaced. Their statements aren’t new and will never go away, so feel free to use these rebuttals for future reference as well. Here is their mind-feces, in no particular order:
Where Were You When?
That’s it. This cretinous response does not deserve the dignity of a nuanced reply. It’s not my job to solve your ignorance. Do your own goddamn research. Until then, this argument is too stupid to merit anything more than the time it takes to think and say the words ‘Tatti Khaa Le’.
Everything Is Not One Man’s Fault, Why Question King Uncle?
Toh bc Congo ke president ko phone karun?
Who else am I gonna question? Oh, the state government? Who are they allied with again? What about Unnao? Who’s in charge there? Who are the people shielding the rapists? What’s their allegiance? Why were they allowed to succeed as much as they did?
What sort of ideology do these rape-protectors espouse? Oh, they’re a bunch of majoritarian inbreds? Wow, what a surprise. Lemme guess, who enables these noose-enthusiasts through tacit silence or active support? Who has the power and the mandate to clamp down on fanatics? Who reaps political benefits from letting killers run amok and create communal faultlines?
Oh, what’s that? Fuck me, I’m probably a paid agent of the rival party. Shits yaar, you’re right. That’s totally my business plan. They’ve paid for three of my penis enlargement surgeries. I heart dynasty. My retirement plan is to live inside Chiknya’s dimples.
But Dear Leader Spoke Up Na, So Why Are You Still Angry? And that Unnao guy was also arrested so yay 4 decisive action.
Sorry, I didn’t realise that I have to be indebted to someone who was shamed into doing literally the bare minimum at work.
And what, you want a medal for arresting a rapist? An arrest that came after the survivor’s father was beaten to death for seeking justice? The fuck else were you gonna do with a rapist anyway? Promote him?
OMG This is Totes Unexpected, We Didn’t Vote For This
Then you were either stupid or wilfully ignorant. Because none of what is happening is a surprise to us. We’ve been screaming about it for years. These are literally our worst fears coming true.
But you had other ideas. Maybe you fell for a marketing campaign. Or maybe your self-esteem is so low that you needed Selfie Papa and all the parasites living off him to tell you that everything was gonna be okay once ‘The Others’ were put in their place, that every struggle you’ve ever endured is because of people who believe in Magic Sky People that are different from your Magic Sky People.
Either way, you enabled this. Go sit in a fucking corner and think about what you’ve done.
I know that not all of you are bigots or rape-apologists. But enough of you are. I know that not all of you care about the meat in someone’s fridge. But enough of you do. I know that not all of you will jump to defend your scumbag leaders for every crazy, criminal and idiotic decision they make. But enough of you will. I know that not all of you will fall for the spin cycle that has already started. But enough of you will.
And that’s the thing: they don’t need all of you. They just need enough.
I’d like to empathise but honestly, I’m tired. I’m tired of mollycoddling your mental deficiency in the quest for civility and neutrality. Over the last few years, I’ve seen you justify everything from lynchings, communal violence, doxing, the killing of journalists and rationalists, industrial-scale fake news, a systematic culling of whistleblowers, official endorsements of myths and pseudoscience, a subversion of the democratic process in order to shoehorn legislature that takes a steaming shit on the concept of transparency, and of course, the national flag being draped over the body of a murderer.
Toh haan, tatti khaa le.
Aur agli baar chutiye jaisa Whatsapp forward padh ke vote mat kar.